Where in the Hell is Diva?

Well, dear friends and Loyal Ten Followers...what can I say, it's been a busy, busy summer for this stay-at-home Diva but One Diva Dishing has been on my mind. Guilt for the stuff I know I am blowing off has a way of worming itself to the very front of my frontal lobes until I scream UNCLE, cave in, and address the situation. (You will get used to the disappearing acts I pull. Just ask the many bulletin boards of which I am a member. They hate it!)


Here are my excuses: I had to entertain Pebbles and Bamm Bamm, I had beach and pool parties to get to, birthdays (including my own) to celebrate, wine tastings and beer tastings to attend because I'mthisclose to being an alcoholic, and lastly, two weeks of vacation to take: one to Tahoe and one to Vegas. (Excuse me while I puke at the recollection that I really, truly did take Ren and Stimpy to the Circus Circus Pit of Despair.)

So I've had very little time to shove my budding culinary talents down your throats. I'd also like to take a moment and add the following: I have come to truly despise posting my cooking and my food porn because ...well...Blogger blows. YEP. I said it. Oh sure, stuff looks wicked purdy as I'm putting it together and looks just as purdy under Preview. But no sooner I hit "Publish Post" and I hurry to check it, than the freaking post is misaligned, mis-spaced, mis- mis- mis. UGH. I get that it's freebieware but COME ON! Must I rip my mother plucking hair out just to create a post?

Anyway, the summer was good. It was hard having to deal with Barbie and Ken because a) we are not exactly huge believers in kiddie summer camps, and b) we aren't exactly the super-rich who can afford to pay about $300 total for both kids to attend camp for only one week. And since we can't send them to more than one camp, then really, what's the point of doing even ONE? It's not like it will be a vacation for me while they are gone! Might as well keep the little fuckers chained to my hips and make the best of it.

But I lie like a rug. The truth is I adore Click and Clack. Sure they can be a boil on the butt of humanity. Sure they can generate a mess that would garner an F5 on the Tornado Intensity Scale, sure they can ruin any new piece of furniture that is brought into the house in no time flat, and sure they will continue pile shit up in that trash or recycle bin until the cabinet won't close or the crap overflows...but they are GOOD and FUNNY kids.

So make the best of it I did. But lest you think I was a slouch this entire time, fear not! I cooked, I baked, I took tons o' pictures...and now the time has come to (wo)man up and post the shit for the amazing 10 followers who have long forgotten they follow me, and who will wonder upon seeing this, why the fuck they follow me in the first place.

Lastly, forgive the Profanity Tourette's you are experiencing. I recently re-injured my sacro-iliac joint (I was showing off at the gym, pretending to be Linda Hamilton circa T2 -- thank you Alysa Ray for that line) and I am typing while heavily medicated. Yes, narcotics. Yes, heavy ones comprising Percocet, Vicodin and the Big Kahuna itself, Valium. So if you can get through this shitstorm of swearing, I have a feeling we will be OK.

So hang on to your hats, Dear Loyal Ten. Food porn coming soon. Love ya. kthxbye...